Every child deserves to grow up in a safe, trusting, nurturing, and loving environment, where they can feel secure to explore life, play, learn, dream, and thrive. However, the sad reality is that many children are not experiencing that life.

The Canadian Government states that one in three adult Canadians reported that they have experienced some form of child abuse or neglect.

 

The repercussions of childhood abuse are not only damaging during their growing years, but can have negative lifelong affects well into adulthood. The abuse increases the risk for developing mental health issues, impaired cognitive abilities, addictions, substance abuse, and challenges in securing healthy relationships.

Persons who experienced childhood abuse would find it challenging to set healthy boundaries, and have a higher risk of re-entering into abusive relationships, a phenomena termed revictimization. Child abuse tends to be intergenerational in origin and if the pattern is not broken, it can continue to future generations.

Childhood abuse can have a detrimental effect on one’s self esteem during childhood and adulthood. The abused may blame themselves for what they experienced, despite it not being their fault, and develop a negative impression of themselves and of their future.

 

Different Forms of Child Abuse

 

Physical abuse:  Intentional harming of a child, which involves physical force that can result in injury to the child. Some examples of physical abuse are beating, biting, burning and physical assault resulting in broken bones.

Sexual abuse: Using a child for sexual gratification, which includes inappropriate touching of child’s private body areas, performing physical sexual acts to the child, adult sexual exhibitionism, voyeurism, and exposure to pornography.

Emotional abuse: A consistent pattern of damaging emotional abuse, in which an adult can belittle or threaten the child. Some examples are constant rejection, ignoring, isolating, frightening and deceitfulness.

Physical Neglect:  Is the failure, whether intentional or with due carelessness, to provide the child with basic needs of shelter, clothing, food, and medical attention, whereas emotional neglect is the act of withholding love, security, and affection towards to child.

 

Who does it affect?

 

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, girls are predominately more prone to experience sexual abuse than boys, as one in 3 girls and one in 6 boys have experienced sexual abuse in North America. However, not all cases are reported to the authorities, obscuring the accurate number of those affected.

Childhood abuse for boys may have fallen through the cracks, as there are misconceptions that boys are less vulnerable and not as victimized. This results in abused boys not receiving the care they need.

The most vulnerable persons at risk of child sexual abuse are those with mental illness, learning and physical disabilities.

Other contributing risk factors are poverty, loss of a guardian, racism, and homelessness, with the latter having the highest incidence of sexual abuse.

 

Possible Warning Signs

 

The Government of British Government provides a possible list of warning signs that a child may be experiences neglect or abuse:

• Unexplained bruises, fractures or injuries
• Different coloured bruises, or injuries at different stages of healing.
• Constant complaints of sore throat or stomach aches that have no medical explanation.
• Lack of proper hygiene, meals or clothes
• Clothing inappropriate to weather conditions
• Torn, stained or bloody underwear.
• Irritation, bruising, bleeding, pain or itching near genitals or anus.
• Bruises on breasts, buttocks, or thighs
• Sudden onset of nightmares, bed wetting, and/or fear of the dark
• Sudden change in attitude towards someone
• Expressing sexual knowledge not usual for their age in their language, behaviour or play
• Becoming anxious and fearful after being outgoing and friendly

 

What To Do 

If a child revealed to you that they have been abused, here are some tips what to do:

• Stay calm, and breathe.
• Stop whatever you are doing, and listen to them.
• Put aside your own biases and opinions and let them know you believe them.
• Reassure them.
• Tell them you’re sorry it happened and let them know it’s not their fault.
• Do not promise to keep it a secret.
• Do not say everything will be fine, as it may take a lot of time before everything is fine. 

 

As child abuse is a crime, every citizen, professional, neighbour, friend, or family member, has a duty and obligation to report any suspicious or possible child abuse to the authorities, to the age of nineteen.

This responsible act will help and start the process of helping a defenceless child or youth get the help, attention and services they need and deserve. Furthermore, it will allow the child to be removed and protected from the unhealthy and abusive environment.

 

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse

 

Adult survivors of child abuse should know that it’s never too late to reach out and find the support they deserve.

Too often survivors are reluctant to open up to family, friends or society members. This may be because they were shunned when they had opened up in the past. Or perhaps they were not believed or their confidant wanted to keep it a secret. This can lead them to feeling rejected and isolated, discouraging them to seek help.

Finding support from trusting and loving family members or friends with whom they feel safe, is a starting point to their journey of healing.

Further, seeking professional help from a therapist who specialized in trauma, helps survivors deal with issues of self-blame, low self-esteem, and guilt, while helping them deal with unhealthy coping skills such as eating disorders, substance abuse, self-harm, and mental health issues. Therapy also empowers survivors with life skills, learning to trust again and to set healthy boundaries in relationships.

Adult survivors of physical, emotional or psychology child abuse can create an internal impression of how people perceive them and how they perceive others in their relationships. As children, they normalize certain forms of abuse they had experienced. As a result, their interactions with friends, colleagues, and intimate partners in adult life are warped, leading them to unintentionally get into relationships with people who are abusive.

Adult childhood survivors may unconsciously look for partners who have the same abusive characteristics, in an attempt to control or settle unresolved trauma from a parent, guardian or community member.

However, with conscious effort and commitment, one can begin to heal and break free of the cycle of abuse. There are several steps involved:

1. An key step is to acknowledge the pattern of abuse, which is an important and difficult step, as they may not be aware of their harmful behavior and deny its presence. However, once recognised their past child abuse, they come to see how it is impacting their current adult relationships.

2. Secondly, work on their self-awareness, in which they recognise recurrent patterns in their behaviour that are triggered from past trauma. Practicing self-reflection, mindfulness, journaling, can aid in their personal growth and awareness of how their present adult relationships are affected by their past.

3. Lastly, learn to confidently set their own boundaries to help foster healthy adult relationships, by learning to be assertiveness skills and not succumb to feeling of fearing conflict and being submissive. While others will others who have predatory traits, will learn to be respectful of the boundaries of others.

 

All children and youth deserve to live in a safe and loving environment, and have a happy childhood, but too many children are not so fortunate. By being aware of the warning signs of child abuse and what to do and say when a child confides in you about abuse, provides us with the tools to recognize and act appropriately to safeguard these children.

Having a trusted friend, family member or community member, with whom the adult survivor feels safe to open up, can start the process of healing.

Therapy will help target their recognition of the abuse they experience as a child and help them notice how they treat others or allowing others to treat them.

Therapy will also provide them with life skills to feel confident and assertive to recognise any form of abuse and set boundaries for themselves and live a fulfilling life.

 

Reporting Child Abuse in BC

 

VictimLinkBC, Toll Free: 1-800-563-0808 (Province-wide phone), Public email: VictimLinkBC@bc211.ca

 

310 Mental Health Support Line (province wide) Crisis 24 hours: 310-6789

 

Call 911– If you are in danger or believe that someone else is in danger.

 

Ministry of Child and Family Development: 1-800-663-9122, to speak to a protection worker.

 

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6866

 

National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453

 

Alisa’s Wish Child and Youth Advocacy Centre, Tel: 604-466-3922, https://www.alisaswish.com/

 

 

 

 

References:

https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/safety/public-safety/protecting-children/keeping-kids-safe#child_comes

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/news/2023/07/government-of-canada-invests-in-child-maltreatment-and-child-welfare-research.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/conditions/child-abuse

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/relationships-healing-relationships/202401/how-childhood-trauma-becomes-part-of-who-we-are-as

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/invisible-bruises/202407/the-impact-of-childhood-trauma-on-adult-relationships