Managing self confidence
Have you ever admired the self-confidence that others seem to have, and wondered how they achieved it, and perhaps even wished that was you?
Healthy self-confidence is not innate nor pre-determined; we develop it over time with experience. It is shaped by our environment, by facing life’s challenges and overcoming failures. It is further formed by positive self-talk, persistence and knowing ourselves.
Do you feel like you are the only one who lacks self-confidence?
Well, you’re not alone.
Truth be told, there are not many people walking this earth with high self-esteem. According to Psychology Today, 85% of the world’s population suffer from low self-esteem. That’s mind blowing!
When you have confidence in yourself, you have a realistic belief that you can take on a challenge, go after what you want and achieve your goals. That’s why we admire confident people, because they seem to succeed, and we feel secure in their presence.
On the flip side, life events can have a negative impact on our self-confidence, leaving us feeling vulnerable about our abilities and self-worth.
The good news is, we can climb back up from low self-confidence to a healthier, more accepting view of ourselves.
In this article will discuss:
- The definition of self-confidence.
- How we develop our self-confidence.
- How does self-confidence affect mental health?
- What happens when negative thoughts take over?
- Self-acceptance, self-care, and motivation to change.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help.
What is Self-Confidence?
According to the Marriam Webster Dictionary, “confidence in oneself and in one’s power and abilities.”
Psychology Today defined self-confidence as a realistic and secure self-awareness, knowing we can act and tackle life challenges, while expecting to succeed. It is also knowing and accepting our strengths and weakness, while being empathetic with ourselves.
How do we develop self-confidence?
Everyone is unique and the circumstances that lead to our level of self-confidence is no different. There are several factors that contribute, either positive or negative, having an impact on our beliefs about ourselves.
Genetics and Temperament
Did you know that your genetic makeup can determine your self-confidence level? Psychology Today states that, “between 25-50% of personality traits are inherited with respect to self-confidence.
We are genetically programmed to produce a certain amount of serotonin (the “feel good” hormone) and oxytocin (the “love” hormone). When higher amounts of both are present, it can contribute to higher self-confidence.
Our innate temperament can also determine how we react and behave during challenging events. Some people are prone to tackling issues head on, while others may be more reserved and cautious when faced with an uncomfortable situation.
Being cautious is not to be understated; in fact, being careful and calculating can prevent impulsive and regretful decisions. Additionally, knowing our strengths and weaknesses are key to building self-confidence.
However, being too cautious can also be an disadvantage if it limits our self-growth.
Life Experiences
Our self-confidence is shaped and molded by our life’s journey and experiences, which over time can either build us up or chip away at our self-worth and confidence.
Any traumatic experience, whether physical, sexual, or psychological, can leave emotional scars. If you were bullied at school or harassed at your workplace, either for your appearance, intelligence, or work performance, this can affect your self-worth and belief in your abilities.
Our childhood homelife often have a significant effect on how we feel about ourselves as adults. If we were mocked by siblings, or our parents put us down on a regular basis, this too can have a lasting affect in adulthood.
If we have ever dealt with prejudice due to race, sexual orientation, or gender, this too will impact how we feel about ourselves and our abilities.
Media
Many of us can agree that standards created by the media are not realistic.
We may compare ourselves to television personalities, or be bombarded by advertising that tells us we are not good enough until we purchase their products.
Social media platforms such as Facebook and TikTok, encourages people to post amazing experiences, perfect selfies, which distorts the way we look at the world.
This can further affect our confidence and self-image.
Self-confidence and mental health
According to the American Psychology Association (APA), people with high self-esteem have a buffer to guard against physical and mental illnesses.
They tend to be happier, healthier, and feel more socially connected, making them feel valued and respected. This in turn encourages them to take on, and succeed with, life challenges.
On the other hand, persons with a low self-confidence look at life with the glass half empty. They have a negative perception of themselves and what life has to offer and may become socially isolated. As a result, they may withdraw and become lonely, and potentially develop anxiety and depression.
Furthermore, these individuals tend to avoid getting the professional help they need, further increasing their odds of developing emotional and physical problems.
When negative thoughts take over
\When negative thoughts take over, we can feel overwhelmed and powerless. It is common to experience self-doubt and hear those critical inner voices, especially during challenging times.
However, when these negative thoughts become our constant inner dialogue, it can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and poor mood, which could negatively impact our relationships.
Recognizing these patterns is the start to turning things around. To combat negative self-talk, we can start identifying the triggers, and challenge those thoughts with a more realistic and nurturing perspective.
For example …
- “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know how to do it.” to “It’s an opportunity to learn something new.”
- “It won’t work” to “I’ll come up with an answer.”
- “I’m not good enough.” to “I trust that I can succeed.”
- “No one loves me.” to “I love me.”
- “I’m so stupid” to “I made a mistake. I’ll get it right next time.”
Negative thinking can be reversed by practicing self-compassion, focusing on our strengths, acknowledging our weaknesses, and seeking support from people we trust.
Remember, it takes time and practice to undo old habits, but our efforts will pay off by being mindful of our thoughts and learning to replace them with more nurturing and realistic thoughts, to better cope and improve our mental health.
Self-Acceptance, Self-Care and the Motivation to Change
Self-acceptance, self-care, and motivation to change are critical in overcoming low self-confidence.
This involves acknowledging and embracing all aspect of ourselves, including our flaws and weaknesses, and replacing the internal negative dialogue with a healthier self-view.
Self-care encompasses physical, emotional, and mental well-being, and by putting these needs first, we reinforce our self-worth.
Regular exercise, healthy eating, a good night’s sleep, and partaking in enjoyable activities will all contribute to a happier and healthy lifestyle, which will in turn foster a stronger self-confidence.
Change is not easy or a quick fix.
However, with self-compassion and having realistic expectations and goals, you can challenge those negative thoughts and beliefs, which in turn will foster resilience, growth, overall well-being, and improved life satisfaction.
CBT and Improved Self-Confidence
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) aims to help people understand the thoughts and feelings that influence their behaviors. CBT is based on the concept that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. By learning to change negative thought patterns to more constructive ones, will lead to better outcomes in our feelings about ourselves and our behavior.
To learn more about CBT, click here.
Techniques in CBT help us to change our thinking patterns by:
- Recognizing cognitive distortions: Identifying and challenging distorted thinking.
- Being understanding and patience with yourself: Developing self-empathy and compassion with yourself.
- Problem-solving skills: Learning strategies to handle difficult situations.
- Building self-confidence: Building up your confidence about your self-worth and your abilities.
- Understanding Others: Better understanding the motivation and behavior of others that can affect you.
Collaborative Process: CBT is a collaborative relationship between the therapist and the client. They work together to identify problems, set goals, and develop a treatment plan, tailoring it to the individual’s specific needs.
Emphasis on Self-Therapy: One of the key aspects of CBT is teaching clients to become their own therapists. Through various exercises and homework assignments, clients practice and reinforce the skills they learn during sessions. This empowers them to manage their own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors more effectively.
Focus on the Present: CBT primarily focuses on addressing current issues and behaviors rather than past experiences. While some personal history is necessary, the main goal is to develop practical skills for improving one’s current and future well-being.
Effectiveness: Research has shown that CBT is effective for a wide range of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness. It has been found to be as effective, if not more, than other therapies and psychiatric meds.