Challenges Faced by New Dads
Let’s face it, being a first-time parent isn’t easy. Although the birth of a child is a joyful and magical event, it’s not all cute, cuddly, and loveable an experience as we would like to imagine.
The truth is, it can be an uncertain, stressful, and tiring experience as new parents try to navigate their shared parenting roles. They also have to deal with newfound emotions, while learning to navigate their place emotionally and intimately with their partner.
Traditionally, attention has been focused on the mother, especially relating to her physical, emotional, and mental health.
The truth is, both parents are equally affected. In fact, research has shown that both fathers and mothers struggle and suffer with mental health issues after childbirth.
This makes them both vulnerable to clinical depression and mood disorders.
Postpartum mental health
According to Psychology Today, “One in four new fathers in the United States may experience major depression four weeks after the birth of a child. Up to 50 percent of men report paternal depression when their partner is struggling with postpartum depression, an estimated 18 percent of men experience anxiety in the postpartum period that warrants formal diagnosis and treatment.”
Despite these results, first time dads tend to go unnoticed, undiagnosed, and untreated. This may be due to the fear of being judged and rejected and feeling ashamed with the perceived stigma of not living up to their “male role”. As a result, new fathers may avoid seeking the support they need.
However, dads should not feel ashamed, because there are true biological, psychological, and emotional/relationship changes occurring. This will, understandably, challenge their transition into fatherhood.
Mood and Behavioural Changes
Research indicates hormonal changes affect the growth and developmental areas of the brain, which in turn affects the moods and behaviors of new fathers.
According to Psychology Today, “a few months before childbirth, testosterone levels lower as prolactin, vasopressin, and other hormones increase, rewiring a man’s brain to prepare him for fatherhood.”
Men start noticing they’re more sensitive, reactive, and emotionally bonded to the needs of their child (for example, the cries of the child), and to others. For some, this new awareness can seem threatening, as they may feel they’re losing their masculinity.
Psychologically, the birth of the child may trigger his own unresolved father-son issues. As he struggles to navigate through his emotional uncertainty, first time dads now need to learn to reach out to others for support.
Work and Finances
The financial strain of having a newborn also impacts first-time fathers psychologically, as the family may be reduced to one income, while his mate is temporarily off work.
Parental leave in North America (read here for parental leave in BC) is far shorter for fathers than mothers. This can produce conflicting emotions of wanting to stay home and help his partner, and provide a steady income.
However, unless they are stay-at-home dads, the demands of job performance and providing a steady income for his family will have to remain a priority.
Emotions and Intimacy
Emotionally, new fathers also face the changing dynamics of their relationship with their partner. For the first time, they may experience heighten conflicts about parenting roles, financial concerns, lack of “me time”, and a decrease in sexual intimacy. Sleep deprivation for both parents certainly does not help.
Men can also feel confused about the resentment they experience. When their emotional and sexual needs are not met, they can feel guilty about feeling that way, especially when they are expected to be a supportive husband and nurturing father.
In conclusion, awareness and education is needed when addressing both parents, but there generally seems to be less focus on dads.
Dads need to know that they are not alone, as many other men experience the same issues. They should not feel ashamed, as the physical, psychological, and emotional challenges new fathers experience is a common thread for most men.
As a result, we need to support the family unit as a whole, and not just the mother and child. Supporting the entire family will benefit everyone.
Read Next: Helpful Tips for New Dads
Counsellors Who Help New Dads
Tony Knorr, RCC
Tony Knorr, RCC | Innova Therapy Coquitlam & Online
Ward Murray, CCC
Ward Murray, CCC | Innova Therapy Cobble Hill & Virtual
Bryan Kim, CCC
Canadian Certified Counsellor Bryan Kim | Innova Therapy Coquitlam & Virtual
Remi Wauthy, RCC
Remi Wauthy, Registered Clinical Counsellor | Innova Therapy Maple Ridge & Online